Tired.

A) Exhausted.

B) Worn out.

C) Sleepy.

D) All of the above.

The correct answer is “D.”  I am so very all of those things right now.  I’m hoping it doesn’t also mean that I am (secret hidden answer E) burned out.  I might be. Not really sure.   What I am sure of (in a not so sure, non committal way) is that I’ve probably really overextended myself recently which usually leads to me being burned out.

I’m a lazy person.

I don’t handle a full schedule very well.

Where is the time for watching sci-fi and napping?

Those things are important for mental health.

What’s funny (in a not so funny way), is that I usually only get burned out over work.  Never dog stuff.  My old job was so consuming- it was always bleeding over into my personal life and I let it. Now I’ve got a job with reasonable demands and lots of support and the ability to have a personal life and I’ve gone and gotten consumed on the other end of the scale. Now I think about what to do at class and appointments for the dogs and training drills at work. Because there aren’t enough hours in the day to think and do otherwise. Sigh. All things in moderation (apparently is something I never thought of).

***

I kind of have this complex. When I was little my dad would tell me my eyes were bigger than my stomach. I always want to try everything which sounds good but in reality it just leads to barfing.

I get that what I actually should do is, you know, say no once in awhile.

Everything looks so good though.

So then I fill my plate.

Oops.

Now I pay for it.

What’s the mental version of barfing?

Being sleepy-

I am spewing incoherence.

***

What this actually means (in my attempt at cohesive thoughts) is that I probably can’t continue to focus both on two completely separate agility organizations, with completely different and conflicting aims in each, AND teach classes AND train two dogs AND work AND sleep. Forget about watching sci-fi, it just isn’t going to happen.

I look at my list and obviously, at this point, I need to work. And sleep. I can’t show and not train. I could train and not show, but I love showing and that’s kind of the point of training. I could not teach, but I love teaching, plus the extra money lets me show two dogs. So it kind of seems like the thing to do would be to pick either AKC or USDAA as the focus.

Good lord. It’s Sophie’s Choice.

***

I’m here though, because I don’t think we can be good in both right now. I cannot show every weekend and The Dog certainly cannot show every weekend. 

The Dog cannot be expected to flip around from 20” to 22” to 26”. I don’t know if I am ok with her jumping 26” in every show, especially if our trial load will increase this year.  I don’t think I can adjust that rapidly and frequently to the timing differences either.

We need to train, but again, she is a little dog, not a robot. She can’t train every day.

I feel that without some focus here, we are just going to be mediocre in everything.

Ick.

***

If it isn’t obvious, we didn’t do so hot at the trial this weekend. Rather, I didn’t. The Dog was good. I was just so tired and…unfocused (see?!?!).  I honestly can’t remember much about our runs. That says something, usually I remember everything. But here I barely paid any attention to her.  No matter how hard I tried to turn my brain on and get engaged, I just couldn’t get it jump started. I did dumb things; completely horrid timing on her jumping, so she took one bar in 3 of 4 runs.  All. My. Fault.  I realized what I was doing (finally) in our last run. First, I told her to wait on the teeter and took off. I got to my position and expected her to be there for a front cross with me… but no Dog. No Dog in the chute? Where is The Dog? Awesomely waiting on her teeter. Which I’d forgotten I’d been drilling but she didn’t. Then, I cued her to collect. Over the double. Off the dogwalk. Why? Because I wasn’t thinking. Just spewing incoherence.

I also figured out that I hate Jumpers. That’s a whole new bag of…worms? Is it a bag of worms? Is that really the phrase? That doesn’t sound right. Can? I don’t know. I’m so sleepy.

Someone tell me what to do.

K thanks!