How to Remove a Curse.

So, per my last post I have determined that The Dog and I have a curse upon us. A Grand Prix curse, to be specific. Out of curiosity, and some amount of desperation, I decided to see how one removes a curse.  I didn’t expect a lot of assistance in this matter, as it IS the 21^st century and all that.  I mean, curse removal isn’t the sort of problem you can just Google and find an instant solution for.

Oh wait, you can.

Apparently, my first idea to find a gypsy was just silly.

How could I be so naive! 

You need to find a psychic or some other medium. A coven will also work.  One site suggested a sorcerer.   In fact, I was a bit overwhelmed at the amount of curse removing outlets so I decided to work through systematically, site by site.

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A site simply called “How to Do Things” offered information on everything from banishing zits to preventing binge eating. My thought is that the creator of this site is either God, or perhaps not quite the authority on doing everything that they promise to be.  However, it included this suggestion on removing curses and let’s face it, I will try anything: 

“Things that are required:

• Candles,
• Match box,
• White cloths which have pockets
• Personal items or belongings to the person whom you have cursed

The Process:

• First of all you will have to make a full fledged plan. The best time to remove a curse is at night preferably on a full moon and, it can also be done on any night after midnight. It should be performed alone as it is safe in that manner. so, you will have to select a safe location.

• You will first have to take a bath and wash your hair with odorless soap, dry yourself properly and dress up in white clothes. Use of perfume and jewelry is completely prohibited.

• Gather small personal items and white candles; take out a small piece of white cloth and short piece of string, keep these items together in the pocket of your garment. Take them out only at your chosen abandoned place after midnight.

• Make yourself familiar with that place, do not make any kind of noise and keep yourself calm. Take deep breaths and concentrate or meditate on the person of concern at that time.

• Take out all the stuff like personal items, string, fabric from your pocket, place them at the centre of the fabric and tie it with a string. Hold these items in your left hand and put the candle in your right hand.

• You will follow this ceremony as it is if you want to get rid of curse. Put the candle in front you, slightly tilted towards you and keep repeating this chant at least seven times while looking at moon.

“Curse of the evil eye

Under my wrath today you die

Burn the words, to hell they go

With ease shall your energy now flow?”.

After repeating it seven times, open your eyes and put the tied piece of cloth in the ground where the candle has been dripped. Once you are finished with this process you can just relax because after that you will be free from the curse.”

Tragically I think have just missed a full moon. Nuts.

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Another site depressingly indicated that you can never really remove a curse, but you can increase your vibrational frequency so that negativity, which curses feed off of, can’t impact you anymore.

“There is an old saying, "change your attitude and you can change your life". This especially applies when it comes to removing a curse.  We believe that the most effective long-term solution to clearing a curse, jinx, or getting past a "black hole" in your life is rooted in a change in attitude.

This is because the first remedy for clearing a curse is to raise your vibrational frequency so that the negative energy can no longer infect your life... and to do this, you must start trusting yourself to heal yourself, and to start loving yourself, seeing the purpose and value in your challenges, learning to laugh at yourself and to be grateful, to appreciate your life as it is... Easier said than done, I know... but when you lose the victim in you and decide to take control in a most loving non-judgmental way, you take the first steps to disempowering any curse that might be at work on your life.

The next important step in clearing a curse is to perform a service... the more you get into helping others, the easier it is to raise your vibrational frequency, and  this also clears any karma associated with the old charge of a curse... I often suggest that people give away something they really care for and at the same time, to do a complete clearing of their home, to get rid of anything they don't need, don't like or don't use...scrub the walls, clear the cobwebs from all the hidden spaces.... it is also important to do this work yourself as a kind of "active meditation". This can be an incredibly effective way of clearing out old negative energy.”

I really liked that suggestion until the bit about cleaning. Ugh.

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A Wiccan source said that someone probably buried some Black Magick (you know they are serious because they spell “magic” with a “K”) on my property, so I would need to locate it and safely destroy it. With booze. Yay!! And then I would need to put some garlic olive oil on my windowsills. I assume that is dipping sauce for some bread?  To go with the booze?

I am afraid that I can’t do this one, since I am still not eating bread really.

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Yahoo! Answers suggested an “uncrossing ritual.” Here is the link to that. 

http://www.molochsorcery.com/uncross.html

Though it is from a sorcerer, I doubt I could do it because it is so incredibly complicated. Ugh. This is more work than cleaning.

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I did quite like the sound of a Shaman. I could find my power animal and make it eat the curse! Or protect me from it! But what if my power animal is lame, like a slug? There is too much riding on this to trust a lazy slug.

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The last site that didn’t want to charge me $200.00 suggested I use the science of Feng Shui and to cultivate my ‘qi’ with Yoga and stuff. I thought I could get behind the ‘scientific’ approach here, so I clicked the link that would bring me to the ‘science page’ with all their evidence. All I got was a notice stating “Sorry, this page doesn’t exist.” Hm.

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Probably the best advice from my search was “Curses aren’t real, dummy.”  -Acid_zebra

Ok fine. But I am saving my search results…just in case…