STOP HITTING THAT!!

So I recently wrote about my love of the ‘traffic sources’ feature and the crazy searches people run that somehow compel them to hit us up at the Project.  Laughs were had, no one was hurt.

Since then though, the searches have increased in both randomness and seriousness. So much so that it seems it is my moral obligation to clear things up for these Googlers that keep coming HERE for answers, less they hurt themselves or (more importantly) someone else!! 

Alarming Google Search One:

“Sometimes you just got to hit the dog” UGH! No, you don’t! BAD GOOGLER! If you are looking for justification on hitting dogs… this is NOT the site for you.  I can only hope this is referring to hot dogs. Thought I still would feel bad for those unsuspecting wieners, so let’s just not hit, k?

Alarming Google Search Two:

“Is Cocaine Bad” Um, yes. I assume the searcher is a dumb teenager. Just say no, kids.

Alarming Google Search Three:

“What to do if puppy ingests cocaine/crack (Chihuahua's are referred to several times...why???) ” Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. DO NOT GOOGLE THIS- GO DIRECTLY TO THE VET. Who would really need to waste time asking this question? Oh yeah, also, please stop leaving crack laying around for your puppy. (Oh, hey, I just answered my own question there.)

Alarming Google Search Four:

“Nancy was in a car accident in which her head hit-“ What? What did her head hit? Is she alive? Nancy WHO? This one just breeds some morbid curiosity.  I absolutely do not get why this search led to a hit on my site. But now I am dying to find out the rest of the story.

Alright, does that answer everyone’s weird and kind of horrible questions? I hope so. Now, I don’t want to see any other hits regarding crack puppies, unless you are referring to my FAUX Crack Pup! Got it?

Speaking of... introducing...CRACK HIPPO!

"SqueaksqueaksqueaksqueakitySQUEAK"

You can't REALLY see it, but Crack Hippo is the purple blob thing. You can't see it because The Pup refuses to put it down, because it gives her Super Crack Powers of Insanity.

Leaves a trail of tears in her wake...

Hours of Crack Hippo fun. Pink Pig feels lonely now. She was the Best Thing Ever until Crack Hippo came along. I don't think she should feel too bad. Poor Wrench just serves as a pillow that occasionally gets the stuffing knocked out of him- literally.

Anyways, enough anthropomorphizing all the toys.

The Dog would like it known that due to waking up to this today (remember, 10 days until MAY, folks):

ICK. Not beautiful, ICK. 

She will be hibernating until Spring actually decides to sit down and stay awhile.

Peaceful Protesting.