It's the Final Countdown!

Just three days! 

THREEEEEE DAAAAAYS!

For those of you who suck at math...That is way less than 10!

But, exponentially more difficult to wait through. Ugh. 

I must say that it has been torturous the past few days as three of the new puppy moms have already brought home their little bundles of joy. Very happy for them... but torture for me!  

Pretty much the only thing getting me through this difficult wait is the preparations. Thank goodness that Saturday is going to be full of cleaning, dog bathing and hiding of precious items (or at least moving them up  to the highest shelves) because without the distraction I would probably run to the airport and steal a plane. But even MORE therapeutic than the cleaning...shopping! With all my worry about how this would work out, I nearly forgot that there is no better excuse for uninhibited expenditures than a new puppy. 

So I bought a new special dinner bowl...

Dog is very excited- second bowl means second dinner...right?

And I found some animal sacrifices...

Can we please file for a stay of execution? Puppy teeth are scary!

And since she looks like a tugger I bought several tuggies to accommodate all stages of hostility... 

My guess is-we will need to upgrade to the super tuff tuggy pretty fast.

In case she actually acts like a puppy and not a Decepticon I bought some baby toys too. Cute widdle baby Kong and soft widdle bone. And adorable mini tennis balls. Though I think her mouth looks pretty giant already...

Ball Inspector would like to test the balls now please.

And last, what is better that a Wubba with a face? Nothing! Except a Wubba with a face who is also pink and is modeling the cute widdle baby collar I bought. 

And this was the last time the Wubba was seen alive... 

Perhaps I should skip the baby collar and go right to the full Hannible Lecter containment unit. Here I thought I was getting a sweet little baby but all signs are pointing to the opposite right now. Squawky little hellions seems to be the descriptive phrase of choice. Don't tell the Boyfriend that though- I told him they came practically trained and probably didn't even know HOW to bark.  Wonder if I should have aimed a little lower with that statement? 

Gee, I almost forgot! I ordered a custom agility leash too at the show last weekend. (Bad sign when you buy SO MUCH you can't keep track of it.) Now only... 16 months until I can use it. That will be great motivation for getting her trained and ready to run. What? It's a really cute leash! 

Hurry up Sunday! 

How to Remove a Curse.

So, per my last post I have determined that The Dog and I have a curse upon us. A Grand Prix curse, to be specific. Out of curiosity, and some amount of desperation, I decided to see how one removes a curse.  I didn’t expect a lot of assistance in this matter, as it IS the 21^st century and all that.  I mean, curse removal isn’t the sort of problem you can just Google and find an instant solution for.

Oh wait, you can.

Apparently, my first idea to find a gypsy was just silly.

How could I be so naive! 

You need to find a psychic or some other medium. A coven will also work.  One site suggested a sorcerer.   In fact, I was a bit overwhelmed at the amount of curse removing outlets so I decided to work through systematically, site by site.

***

A site simply called “How to Do Things” offered information on everything from banishing zits to preventing binge eating. My thought is that the creator of this site is either God, or perhaps not quite the authority on doing everything that they promise to be.  However, it included this suggestion on removing curses and let’s face it, I will try anything: 

“Things that are required:

• Candles,
• Match box,
• White cloths which have pockets
• Personal items or belongings to the person whom you have cursed

The Process:

• First of all you will have to make a full fledged plan. The best time to remove a curse is at night preferably on a full moon and, it can also be done on any night after midnight. It should be performed alone as it is safe in that manner. so, you will have to select a safe location.

• You will first have to take a bath and wash your hair with odorless soap, dry yourself properly and dress up in white clothes. Use of perfume and jewelry is completely prohibited.

• Gather small personal items and white candles; take out a small piece of white cloth and short piece of string, keep these items together in the pocket of your garment. Take them out only at your chosen abandoned place after midnight.

• Make yourself familiar with that place, do not make any kind of noise and keep yourself calm. Take deep breaths and concentrate or meditate on the person of concern at that time.

• Take out all the stuff like personal items, string, fabric from your pocket, place them at the centre of the fabric and tie it with a string. Hold these items in your left hand and put the candle in your right hand.

• You will follow this ceremony as it is if you want to get rid of curse. Put the candle in front you, slightly tilted towards you and keep repeating this chant at least seven times while looking at moon.

“Curse of the evil eye

Under my wrath today you die

Burn the words, to hell they go

With ease shall your energy now flow?”.

After repeating it seven times, open your eyes and put the tied piece of cloth in the ground where the candle has been dripped. Once you are finished with this process you can just relax because after that you will be free from the curse.”

Tragically I think have just missed a full moon. Nuts.

***

Another site depressingly indicated that you can never really remove a curse, but you can increase your vibrational frequency so that negativity, which curses feed off of, can’t impact you anymore.

“There is an old saying, "change your attitude and you can change your life". This especially applies when it comes to removing a curse.  We believe that the most effective long-term solution to clearing a curse, jinx, or getting past a "black hole" in your life is rooted in a change in attitude.

This is because the first remedy for clearing a curse is to raise your vibrational frequency so that the negative energy can no longer infect your life... and to do this, you must start trusting yourself to heal yourself, and to start loving yourself, seeing the purpose and value in your challenges, learning to laugh at yourself and to be grateful, to appreciate your life as it is... Easier said than done, I know... but when you lose the victim in you and decide to take control in a most loving non-judgmental way, you take the first steps to disempowering any curse that might be at work on your life.

The next important step in clearing a curse is to perform a service... the more you get into helping others, the easier it is to raise your vibrational frequency, and  this also clears any karma associated with the old charge of a curse... I often suggest that people give away something they really care for and at the same time, to do a complete clearing of their home, to get rid of anything they don't need, don't like or don't use...scrub the walls, clear the cobwebs from all the hidden spaces.... it is also important to do this work yourself as a kind of "active meditation". This can be an incredibly effective way of clearing out old negative energy.”

I really liked that suggestion until the bit about cleaning. Ugh.

***

A Wiccan source said that someone probably buried some Black Magick (you know they are serious because they spell “magic” with a “K”) on my property, so I would need to locate it and safely destroy it. With booze. Yay!! And then I would need to put some garlic olive oil on my windowsills. I assume that is dipping sauce for some bread?  To go with the booze?

I am afraid that I can’t do this one, since I am still not eating bread really.

***

Yahoo! Answers suggested an “uncrossing ritual.” Here is the link to that. 

http://www.molochsorcery.com/uncross.html

Though it is from a sorcerer, I doubt I could do it because it is so incredibly complicated. Ugh. This is more work than cleaning.

***

I did quite like the sound of a Shaman. I could find my power animal and make it eat the curse! Or protect me from it! But what if my power animal is lame, like a slug? There is too much riding on this to trust a lazy slug.

***

The last site that didn’t want to charge me $200.00 suggested I use the science of Feng Shui and to cultivate my ‘qi’ with Yoga and stuff. I thought I could get behind the ‘scientific’ approach here, so I clicked the link that would bring me to the ‘science page’ with all their evidence. All I got was a notice stating “Sorry, this page doesn’t exist.” Hm.

***

Probably the best advice from my search was “Curses aren’t real, dummy.”  -Acid_zebra

Ok fine. But I am saving my search results…just in case…

I Love a (Plow) Parade

Nothing warmed my arena-chilled heart more than the sight of the plow parade, clearing my way home today. If only it could have taken a second to whiz down my street- my poor little Sunfire was apparently the only car to venture into the storm today, and it was not made for paving paths in snow. (We made it though, with the bonus win of getting to shovel the driveway. Yaaaaay!)

Of course, it wouldn't be the MAC USDAA show without a blizzard on Sunday. The last time this happened I stayed home, but since it wasn't white out conditions (yet) when I woke up, I decided to be a crazy Minnesotan and laugh in the face of incoming snow. VERY glad I did!

First- Saturday. Though I'd like to forget some parts.  It was a bit like the last show- contact nightmare. Weird issues I thought we had obliterated rearing their ugly heads.

We started with Jumpers- she ran well, clean, time was in 22. something range along with most of the class. Snookers was next and my favorite run of the weekend, simply because she let me do a lead out recall across the ring. She ran from the line, and came at pretty good speed despite being called off of a tunnel along the way. Exciting! So major for her- the last time I tried to do this she sat on the line refusing to budge.

Then the horrors came back. Grand Prix curse continues.  First jump good, then- refusal at #2 tunnel! GA! I assume she ran around the tunnel because we had just ran Snookers and she remembered being called off the tunnel. She is concrete sequential like that. I shoved her in the tunnel to continue after mentally cursing the curse (HA, take that, curse!) and then went to #3- the Aframe. HUGE miss. At that point I determined this was the last one I was putting up with, no fun was being had so I picked her up and exited stage left. Having never done that before, I really couldn't say what would happen in the next class: Standard.  Ok, she bizarrely blew her weaves, but her contacts were all really nice! And then in Gamblers, her contacts were awesomeness too!  I blew the gamble though (must remember, redirect Dog, then tell her where she should go. Bad Leader! I am sure she would have gotten it if I had done my job.).

We finished Saturday with Pairs on a crazy course with Black Dog. Both girls ran clean and The Dog was able to finish off her Bronze Pairs Championship thingy.  Goooooooaaaaaaaaaal (accomplished)!

Today, started off a bit rocky in Pairs (reverse order for classes). Aframe missed- something up there with spacing I think as she knocked the bar after too. But luckily, neither girl wasted any time and her super partner was squeaky clean so they did qualify.

In Gamblers, I was determined to hit the contacts and spend as long as it took to get the Aframes. I wanted her to remember her job, so we went to old standby helper commands from back when we started training the running contact. Success. She looked a but sheepish to me, like she knew what I wanted all along but was playing forgetful. Very nice opening, spot on gamble (to clarify, the awesome timing couldn't have been more accidental!) and second place.

And then... miracle!!! She ran clean in a Standard run! Nice contacts! Butt saved by her after getting separated by the judge!  So now she just needs one more for her Bronze ADCH. JOY!

We finished with Snookers and Jumpers. Both Qs. Missed weaves so no finish in Snookers but still a good opening. Crazy, unplanned, out of control, out of position China Jumpers run, somehow ended up clean? 3rd place even, which goes to show how well the remnants of the class went for everyone else!

So... over all good weekend? Still need to locate a gypsy to remove my GP curse. Still really need to train. And the winter has just made that small glimmer of getting outside soon vanish under 10 inches of fresh snow. Bye-bye, patch of grass. I will remember you fondly until you reappear again... someday.

P.S.  To think, this time next week I will have my new puppy here! Hope she likes snow!

Hell is filled with Dogwalks.

 Ever since the Great Contact Meltdown of 2011, The Dog and I have gone back to the basics.

(Session one)

Me: Dog, here is a plank. You run on the plank.

Dog: So… I do two on two off?

Me: No. You run off of it, no stopping. Then you go get the ball.

Dog: Ball? Yay. Ok.

(Fast forward to a later session)

Me: Dog, here is the same plank as before. You still run on the plank, it is just a bit higher.

Dog:  Ugh. Ok, two on two off, right?

Me: Uh, no. No stopping, get the ball.

Dog: OK. But you want me to creep, right?

Me: Not really. You RUN, then get the ball.

Dog: OH! I forgot, yep, ok- I run, get the ball.

And it pretty much goes just like that for several sessions, until she finally FINALLY seems to be getting the idea. She runs the plank like a champ. I click like a clicking expert.  She is duly rewarded and the clicks are clicking something in her brain. She does not rely on voice commands or my position (I’ve been trying to wean her off of pacing me).

Then we move to a low dogwalk. I expect regression; there is none.  We back-chained all the way, that seemed to help. Project Leader is happy.  Dog is happy; she got the ball a bajillion times.

Last night we made it up to full height dogwalk again. I start back-chaining. She is smart and runs off and I click and the ball is there. We spend a long time moving back across. Finally, we try a whole dogwalk.

She goes into two on, two off. TWO. ON. TWO. OFF.

Wha…?

But how…?

Where is this…?

WHY DID SHE DO THAT???

At this point my brain exploded. No foolin’.

***

We did un-stick her fairly easily, but the point was made. I just don’t know if I can ever deprogram that part of her brain. She must have done a million 2o2o positions in puppyhood. I know she doesn’t like to- it makes her worried.  And even after a bajillion reinforcements for moving through the zone, she still reverts to that as default.  It is completely hardwired. And I seriously think that if I 1) pulled her from shows 2) stopped doing the dogwalk for one year and 3) retrained running over the period of another year she would STILL revert to 2o2o because her mind is hardwired. It’s like when ducks imprint on mommy- “mommy” might be a pig for all they care and even if you show them a million other suitable duck mothers they will still go back to that pig every darn time, even if it means they don’t migrate and stay in the frigid north.

Dog…FORGET THE PIG AND MIGRATE, WILL YA???

Sigh.

The only thing that seems to work, than can un-stick her, is if I do allow her to pace off of me and pretty much hop in her brain to control the exit.  This means that she loads fine and fast on her own but I have to haul it to the exit, get ahead and connect at the exact moment she would either leap or creep. Then she will lock onto my pace and, if I have good timing, move at the right speed, apply the right amount of pressure, etc, etc, this gait will be one suitable for taking her all the way off the contact. This sort of sucks for many reasons:

She isn’t going to go as fast as she could,

I have to be there every time and that is inevitably going to result in a FAIL at some point,

I have to have perfect timing, speed, tension and THAT is also grounds for an inevitable failure.

And probably other things I am not even aware of at this point.

But since the world didn’t end when I gave up pushing start lines, and there was no apocalypse when I let her do the teeter her own way, I will give it a chance. Those both turned out for the better.  This also is essentially how she does the Aframe as well, and that has worked fine historically.  I think our recent issue with the Aframe was her being too HIGH and me not realizing that this was how our Aframe functioned and not applying appropriate pressure.  (Aframe, by the way, has been back to normal.  Turns and everything. Go figure.) 

So we will see if this works in a show or not.  I am sooo happy that Grand Prix is the first class with contacts and gets to be the experimental run. (Not. Sarcasm is my friend.) But rather than set up for possible disappointment, I will just try to look at the whole weekend as a training exercise. It's all about trial and error, right? This is just the trial part. 

(However. If this is an Epic Fail, I may revert to MY default program: Whine and Cheese and plastic fish.)

Now is the perfect time to panic.

It occurred to me last night that I have been so obsessed over the last 7 months about whether or not I was even going to get a puppy that I forgot to think about what happens after you find out you are getting a puppy.

Uh-oh.

It’s ok. I have…10 days.  

(PanicPanic)

OK. 

I can puppy-proof the house in 10 days.

I can teach the Boyfriend not to leave his socks and Builder Bar wrappers on the floor in 10 days (maybe?)

I have a wide selection of puppy containment units and will procure others in the next 10 days.

10 days is plenty of time to address the missing items in my dog supply inventory.

The question here is then… Is 10 days enough to prepare mentally?

(PanicPanicPanicPanicPanicPanic)

Seriously.  I haven’t had a puppy in 17 years.  Sure, I have cared for and enjoyed the company of other people’s puppies many times since, but it’s not quite the same. Those puppies came and went. I might have had a lot invested in them (like in my parent’s dogs), but at the end of the day, they weren’t mine; I would have no sleepless nights over my responsibilities with those dogs.  I have this overwhelming feeling of there being so much at stake here.

(MorePanicMorePanicMorePanicMorePanicMorePanic)

Adding to my slight (ha!) feeling of panic is, of course, The Dog. How will she take this? I did the obligatory test run- I took on a friend’s very much ‘in your face’ puppy for awhile last fall before taking the leap and committing to The List. The Dog passed with flying colors. She was quite tolerant and appropriate, though I could see it pained her and she wasn’t in love with the little scamp. I do think that she will get along more happily with her new sister, especially since Breeder says that puppy isn’t really drawn to other dogs that much (and the scamp was drawn to The Dog: especially her eyes, ears and tail).  But overall the Dog is a very good hostess for doggie guests, and always did well with Banchor; it was a wonderful coexistence where they could just BE with each other and were bonded by their mutual love for Leader. Fingers crossed that I should be so lucky twice. 

No, more of my worry is whether or not she will feel slighted at all. I’ve made it a point to make her the most spoiled dog in creation- whatever it took to make her feel confident and special, she has gotten it. Doing so has brought out an amazing personality and allowed us to see this expressive side of her and of course has drawn out the wonderful companion aspect. We’ve worked so hard on our relationship that I would hate to jeopardize it. I had wanted to give her a few more years of ‘only-ness’ but I couldn’t pass up this opportunity, (as it was the last breeding of a stellar pairing) so we are taking the chance that we can make this change in one piece.  (For those of you who have known me over the years, you know I am historically a “one dog” person. Obviously people can make the transition and become successful with multiple dogs, but this is the one area I’ve not yet explored in dog sports. If anyone with multiple dogs has advice, bring it on.) 

Make NO mistake though- I am over-the-top excited to bring puppy home (did I mention it is just 10 days away??).  I have only a few reasons to panic but about a thousand reasons to do this.  While The Dog is more than enough by herself (e.g. irreplaceable! Indispensible!), I need a small dog too. This last year without a mini was hard, and then demographics of the house just aren’t right without that population being represented.  So I set out to find a compliment to my life, and found out about these cool little Border/Staffys. Which brings me to the puppy.

She sounds like a perfect fit.  I love dogs that are characters, and she looks like exactly that. Half of the photos of her completely crack me up (and the other half are just adorable).    From what I hear, she will be an excellent addition to the Project- she seems to be ready and willing to work and looks like she would take on any challenge.  In more ways than not I am so ready to meet this little girl.

As for the not, well, I'm an optimist. A lot can happen in 10 days. And I just have to remind myself: the Dog continues to surprise me every day in her growth and progress. This may be no exception.  Besides, I have this to look forward to, which definitely proves to be the paper bag to my hyperventilation:

(And if you need to see more...)

On A Valentine's Day

A post about all the weird things I love about The Dog!

**She is crazy bad in the car.  She boings around all over the place when she knows where we are going (or thinks she does…) and squeals.  If she is really excited, she will bark like an air horn in my ear. I have a seat belt for her since I can’t quite fit a kennel, but the seat belt doesn’t really stop her from doing this (in 2.2 seconds she will have crawled up onto the armrest and squawked in my face):

**She really likes Ke$ha and old school Heart songs and thinks it is great fun to sing along: Howling usually starts when one of their songs comes up on the radio/iPod shuffle.   

**She will be four this year and still does the puppy head tilt.  Extra special cute effect: If you tilt your head too, she will mirror your movement.

**She chipped my front tooth because she gets THAT excited to see me. Like a furry torpedo with target lock.  Every time. Luckily I have learned to stand up!

**She will toss her toys down the stairs for attention. If no one gives her attention, she will go get it, and start again with more noticeable toy (like a bone!). And if all else fails, she will play by herself. Stairs are FUN!

**She loves Shark Week. Possibly more than me. The scary shark music makes her sooo happy.

**She loves to wear clothes like a person. And sit on the couch like a person. I think she has an ongoing identity crisis.

**She guilt trips me better than the Jewish Matriarch stereotype whenever I leave the house. She is so dramatic.  Her “I can’t believe you are leaving me” act could win an Oscar from even the most critical Academy.

**She will find my Chapstick for me, no matter where I have misplaced it, and deposit it in my lap in one piece.

Of course, I love about a million other things that she is or does too. These are just a few of the strangest reasons why I am glad to have her, and the things I have a feeling I am going to want to remember someday.

On this day where love is in the air, do remember your doggy Valentines too! After all, they are the best source of unconditional love you could find.  

We long for an affection altogether ignorant of our faults.  Heaven has accorded this to us in the uncritical canine attachment.  ~George Eliot

Life Under THE REGIME

I had my doubts. I reallllly did not believe that this REGIME was doing anything for my cardio endurance. After all, it's 90% strength building exercises. As you know, I feared a complete Viking Transformation- I thought the end was to become a slow and lumbering mountain of muscle who was only quick with an axe. Or worse yet.. no results.

Time to eat my words (but with no salt or sugar added).

I went to the gym today, on this Day of Rest (Well, and Day of Stretching.), after four weeks on THE REGIME.  I hopped on the elliptical, turned the level to SkyRocket and before I had even broken a sweat, my timer sounding the workout's end beeped. What? Hadn't I just started? I wasn't breathing heavy, was not winded in the slightest. OK. If I can take about five minutes off my average mile time and still have energy to spare, then THE REGIME is for real.  I was sorely tempted to see how much longer I could last, but I had a feeling it was much longer than my day warranted.

...because it is grocery day! And a super exciting shopping trip at that since after week four, WE GET TO CHANGE FOOD!!! A new menu starting tomorrow! Hooray! Though I completely love all the new things from the first four weeks (turkey burgers, turkey bacon, soba noodles, jerk pork, welcome to our home as permanent staples!), I am very excited to have REAL CARBS again. Bread... I have missed you so! Brown rice could never take your place. I promise to never be irresponsible about your consumption ever again.  Because while I am so happy to have you, I'm so much happier to not have the extra pounds that I suspect were largely due to my attraction to you.

Totally awesome healthy fridge! Just ignore the wine...

Four weeks down, nine to go! I'm sure they will pass even more quickly than the first four, now that I have Life Under The Regime down... and because I get BREAD again! Now if only I could have pizza... but I will survive! The scales have literally tipped in favor of THE REGIME.